Be Sure To Vote For Mediocrity

22 Jun

By Brian M. Howle

By the time Tuesday, November 7, 2006 rolls around, just about every living, breathing, thinking and voting age creature in the vast expanse that we call the United States of America will be ready to punch the next person who expresses any political position – on anything, for any reason, for any political party.

And there’s a big-time reason for this response. This incredible exercise in freedom and democracy that we Americans hold up for the world to see and follow by our example – our magnificent system of democratic voting – has been strongarmed, raped, stolen and sold to the point of being an absolute waste of time … at least, on the national level, for sure.

And if you live in South Carolina – whether you were born here by the grace of God, or if you up and moved your clan to our sub-tropically attractive state – you probably know that you’re not actually getting much for your vote here, either.

Locally? Take your pick … hope for the best … maybe flip a coin and see if God really does exist, if you’re really a penitent sort.

I don’t have time for your arrogant crap anymore, Mr. Politician or Political Pundit. I knew it when I was 18, but I deferred to the time-honored practice of listening to my elders. But at 52, I have no longer have the need to buy into the fairy tale of how our nation’s leaders always keep the best interests of the average citizen in the forefront of all debates and decisions, just to be a good little soldier and go along with the game.

Those guys who were the architects for our uniquely constructed concept of checks and balances were absolute geniuses. They knew they had a good thing in raw form, but they were smart enough to know that they weren’t smart enough to know everything.

The system was designed so that problems or oversights in laws and morés of the time could be changed, or re-defined, or even struck down and removed from the books. It is, quite frankly – when left to its original skin – just flat-out, breathtakingly and stupendously brilliant!

Hmmm … some of you are getting uncomfortable about now, I can sense it. So tell me, how does it seem to you these days?

Relax … this isn’t a blatant, one-sided attack on Georgie Boy and his band of Merry Misfits. True, not my favorite team right now; you can call me on that part.

But unfortunately for those of you who think you have me pegged, I have a record – through back issues of this publication – of being one of this administration’s staunchest supporters, before I realized they lied.

In the run-up to the 1972 Presidential Election, I was a student at Coastal Carolina College (now CCU). I wasn’t really that big of a political animal, in the grand sense of things. I took interest in the election process because my generation had just been granted the right to vote, something those under 21 had never been able to do before. But now, the Boomer Generation let the Establishment know that, By God, if we’re good enough to die for our country in Viet Nam, then we’re good enough to cast a vote in choosing those who decide when we have to travel around the world and die on foreign soil for American values and interests.

Like the overwhelming majority of reasonable, thinking young people, I was heavily influenced by my parents’ political views. Then again, that shouldn’t ever be a big surprise, since they pretty much decide for you what your religion will be, what your friends will be like, and how well you eventually “play with others”.

And as a result, yours truly was Southern Baptist, in the popular clique and dyed-in-the-wool Republican. Yep, ol’ Tricky Dick Nixon himself was my boy in the big race, and I didn’t care too much for the radical hippies on campus – stirred up by the leftist faculty members – putting up ugly banners that insulted my president when his daughter, Tricia, came to visit or fair little hole-in-the-Dixie-wall school.

Because that’s what my role models said I should think.

But then this funny little thing happened where my wonderful political party imploded under the weight of a scandal that overwhelmed the nation’s biggest concern, the war in Viet Nam:


Yep, those boys done went and got their stubby, greedy and stupid-ass leetle fingers caught in the proverbial cookie jar, trying to steal stuff from the Democratic National Committee Headquarters in the stylishly trendy Watergate Hotel in Washington, D.C.

As I watched the once-regal president climb the stairs to his helicopter and then turn and wave that sad, sickening wave to his former staff – the country in general – I turned and asked my father, how could this have happened in America?

My father always had that ready explanation for me, no matter what the question. I found it to be the greatest comfort I had come to know in my life.

But on this question, even he had no answers for me.

In fact, no one had the answers for me, or anyone else. But the beauty of our government – even in its most shameful and pathetic moment – is that it did not mean that all was lost and chaos loomed in the shadows, ready to plunge our nation into civil war and Godless decadence.

Quite the opposite was true. This cleverly weaved system of contingency plans kicked into gear, and we began to rebuild the Administrative branch through the rules left for us to follow.

There were no soldiers or weapons in the street to attempt a military coup; nor were they necessary to keep the peace amongst the civilian population.

Simply put, the pure brilliance of Democracy prevailed.

So where do you stand on America’s blueprint for democracy? Are you willing to go beyond civil disobedience if the elected members of our government fail to support the Constitution of the United States of America?

Are you prepared to go against socially acceptable behavior to lead our nation back to greatness? Because every one of you knows that this nation’s greatness has been tarnished – and not just by a failed administration.

All three branches of government have failed us miserably for decades. No one seems to be minding the store, but everyone sure seems more than willing to loot it – much like those animals who descended upon a mortally wounded New Orleans after Katrina left it open to a lawless orgy of horror.

And as I watch the news media – ALL media; liberal, conservative and everything in between – continue to banter about the most vapid, unimportant issues while Rome burns around us, I can’t help but wonder how many of you out there see this as the final battle to save not only our country, but the future of the world.

No one has secured our borders. PERIOD. That boondoggle fence deal just signed by the Clowns-In-Charge would be laughable, if the spector of a mushroom cloud over an American city was something to laugh about. I guess they just don’t understand the concept of bad folks going around the legal border crossings. Well, then again, that’s the same problem our troops are facing in Iraq. Go figure.

No one is representing the will of the people. That’s because our Congress has been bought by the highest bidder; courtesy of the lobbyists for special interests and unions, along with bloated government payrolls, tax loopholes and generous, guaranteed medical and retirement packages for those poor, overworked folks in Washington who work an average of 1.9 days per week.

America doesn’t manufacture much of anything anymore – at least, not like we did for most of the past century. And yes, economic factors and obsolescence of jobs and goods play a part in it all. But we’ve outsourced our blue-collar economic backbone to cheap, non-union, child-labor-and-human-rights-in-general violations just about everywhere else in the world.

So instead of giving the people access not only to the American Dream, but the founding fathers’ cornerstone of our Constitution – The Bill of Rights – our leaders are cutting us off at the roots of a free society. They continue to attempt to confuse us with masterful games of “where’s the pea under the shell”, as they devise attention-getting sideshows and high-powered, emotionally-charged issues to cloud us from the reality of our impending demise as a world-leading nation.

And it all takes place out in the open, for the entire world to witness, as we engage in moronic freakshows of meaningless ideology instead of fixing what is horribly, terribly and sorrowfully broken.

But hey, don’t let me bring you down. Go on out there on November 7 and vote for the best choice for whatever’s running your way.

And whatever you do, be sure to follow all the rules, you hear?

Because you really don’t want to piss off Big Government these days. You see, while some of you have been engrossed in figuring out when Tom and Katie are getting married and whether it will take place in George Clooney’s Italian mansion, our right to habeas corpus – that little rule of law that states you can’t be jailed without knowing why – has been taken away from you.

Mission Accomplished.

Rush, You Ignorant Slut …

Rush Limbaugh inserted himself into the elections last week, although he now claims the leftist fascists are trying to do just that by demonizing him and over-reacting to his most recent (but not first) foray into the world of drug-addiction-induced brain farts
Unless you live under a rock, you know that ol’ Rushbo opened fire on Michael J. Fox, who made a political ad backing a Missouri Democrat congressional candidate. Fox’s support was anchored by the candidate’s position on stem cell research, which he hopes will – one day – lead to cures for diseases such as the Parkinson’s which afflicts him.

In the ad, Fox is visibly suffering the effects of Parkinson’s in a manner that, heretofore, has not been publicly witnessed.

And Rush – never one to pass up the opportunity to insert his foot into his mouth – just had to tear into ol’ Mikey, calling him “shameful” for giving the good people of Missouri “false hope in bogus research that doesn’t exist”. He claimed Fox had gone “off his meds” to exaggerate how the disease affects him, as well as claiming the whole thing was about cloning instead of curing. In the process, Limbaugh told his audience that the shaking and uncontrolled spasms were the result of Fox faking it for effect. “He is, after all, an actor”, Rush claimed (Pssst .. so was Reagan). And for his webcam viewers, Limbaugh provided his impersonation of Fox’s performance, which looked a lot like a bloated Manatee trying to do The Robot.

Of course, when the maelstrom of reaction rained down on the self-appointed EIB icon, he claimed that the “liberal media” had “sped up the tape to make it look like he was mocking Fox”. I guess a lack of formal education has denied Rush the ability to figure out that the sound of his voice should be like Alvin the Chipmunks at that point, but alas, it isn’t.

And it turned out that Fox’s unsteady appearance resulted from being on the meds; without them, his motion would degrade to the point where voluntary movement is impossible. Limbaugh apologized for saying it was a result of “Fox being off the meds”, but he refuses to apologize for attacking Fox.

Limbaugh, who recently underwent rehabilitation for an addiction to Oxycontin and then got caught with a ‘scrip for Viagra in his doctor’s name, just can’t seem to bone up – I mean, own up – to his shortcomings.

Hey, Rush, hopefully you’ll add a new sponsor soon, as former Fla. Rep. Mark Foley brings out his “Tickle Me Homo” line of dolls for aspiring young Congressional pages.
The previous article was originally published in the November 2, 2006 issue of Alternatives NewsMagazine.

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Posted by on June 22, 2009 in Along The Watchtower


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